could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
