I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
