I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
