Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
