Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
