my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Princesses don't give blow jobs
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
