Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
