They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
