R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize