I just gift wrapped bread.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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