normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
