I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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