If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
