I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
