my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
