lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
