so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
