Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
