I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
