I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
