Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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