i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
