I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
