Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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