3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
