There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
