Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
