why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
