Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
