I heard we made out
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
