Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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