Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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