dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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