She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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