I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
