never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
