I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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