Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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