God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
