hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
