It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
