My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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