he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's never too late to be topless.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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