i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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