Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
