Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
