why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
What a dumb baby whore.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
