And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
