at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
