i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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