I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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