I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
