I'm gonna have a badass scar
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Damn victory sex feels great
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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