i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
