there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
