party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
