So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
